Blatant, Half-Cocked Rant: 12/2/08 - Knicks v. Blazers

by Drew Ludeke.

I’m early, my sister’s running late so while we’re missing the tip-off, I enjoy some time with the local scalpers. I don’t know if anyone’s done a comprehensive portrayal of ticket scalpers, preferably New York ones, but it’s worth exploring and certainly not as romanticized a life as the Andy Garcia film Just The Ticket. A New York ticket scalper wears many hats all at once. They are boisterous corner touts with the business acumen of a sharp-tongued used-car salesmen always looking for a deal or ready to drop it when the money’s not there. Their product is both elastic and inelastic all at once, depending on how quickly they can do their business before a competitor steals it from them. There’s also the complete opposite reaction, when a buyer/seller gets uneasy about dealing with the illegal middleman and is stubborn with his asking price. I ask the one nearest me how well he does on an average basis. He shrugs, saying most nights pretty well except lately no one wants to see the Knicks but the Rangers always pay well. As for the Knicks, I say wait a few years. A few moments later, he and his business associates abruptly educate a man who wants to sell two half-decent tickets for a C-note each by leaving him by his lonesome.

Regan makes it in, we make it up to the 4th level seats I know all too well. She has to pee, I need a beer. Meeting back at our seats later, I notice two girls to our right, one in a Nate jersey, the other in a Crawford one. I admire both’s commitment to the team but as for the latter, do you still get to wear that anymore? It’s Jamal Crawford, not Walt Frazier or Patrick Ewing. Either way, it doesn’t matter more than the game which the Knicks are surprisingly winning. Rudy Fernandez subs in for Steve Blake and a good portion of the crowd in my immediate area go crazy with chants of “Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!”, some frantically wave Spanish flags. Regan loves basketball but the Knicks have sucked far too long for her to keep an active interest in the NBA so I have to explain to her how Rudy’s a much bigger deal than Greg Oden, dunked on D-Ho at the Olympics and he’s damned entertaining to watch. Finally, I’m elated by the quality of Eurotrash frequenting MSG tonight. The past two years, with cheap seats and a cheap dollar, practically 2 out of 5 people at the Garden (I made that stat up) were dirty Eurotrash who had no interest in the game except for taking pictures of themselves and wearing non-Bulls Jordan jerseys. It was sickening. These people can root for a great opposing player at the Garden, at least they know their shit although it’s got to make Sergio Rodriguez cry a little inside. Regan would prefer the ignorant Eurotrash.

Regan’s a Terp and a Knicks fan and like me, has a strange sense of humor, so every time Maryland alum Steve Blake’s in the game, her comments range from “Go Terps!” (after he makes a three) to “Blake, you’re a hick and you suck, get out of the game.” First-Second quarter break: the Knicks City Dancers come out in bright orange jumpers to do some sort of sexy-ass dancing and jitterbugging. I’m shocked they’re doing a new dance for once. After a couple of games last year, I could’ve done a half-assed rendition of their dance to “Start Me Up” by the Stones. Sad, but true. You notice these things after a couple of blowouts in the Isiah Era. I tell the girl next to me she needs a new jersey, which leads to a conversation with Regan about Starbury’s demise. She feels bad his Knicks career is ending like this and wishes he wasn’t treated so badly. Like I said, she doesn’t follow the NBA that religiously. I go over Starbury’s career, mainly truck parties, while observing the Knicks maintain their lead through poor Blazers shooting and Tim Thomas 3s.

Observation: Oden’s been getting his minutes and touches at the cost of the rest of his team but Nate McMillan is doing it wisely. Like everyone else, I want Oden to be good and he probably will be, not greatest big man of all time good but he isn’t going to be a bust on the level of Michael Olowakandi either. Thing is, right now, half the time the Blazers are playing man plus 1 with him out there: Oden guards the paint, don’t expect him to mind a man. Offensively, he also hangs around the paint but there’s always enough shooters on the floor with him to give him room to play on the post. He’s only getting 25 minutes max, you’ll never see him and Pryzbilla on the same floor and thankfully, Aldridge is versatile enough to play around him. It all depends on how the team adjusts as his minutes increase.

Knicks are up at the half. Halftime analysis is never that entertaining, why don’t we ever get to see what the crowd gets to see? Dancing seniors, contortionists, tram-mapolining dunkers, this is what America wants in a halftime show, fuck Barkley! But then there’s the off nights when three teenage girls competing for a spot on Kidz Bopz (I don’t even know what that is) butcher some pop songs. First girl sings an off-key, off-cue rendition of Avril Lavigne’s “Skater Boy”. You think it’ll be short and easy verse but she actually sings the entire thing! Next song to be performed is “Love Song”, accompanied by piano. I didn’t know who actually sang that and I quickly forget but points for a quality performance. I tell the Crawford jersey girl next to me she should get a replacement David Lee jersey, to which she replies she’s not that big of a David Lee fan. I come out of my blackout to hear a rousing rendition of the third contestant’s song: Marvin Gaye’s “Ain’t No Mountain Enough”. Brutalized in feel-good movies but always a crowd pleaser, she knocks it out of the park, clearly winning as I struggle to comprehend how anyone could ever not be a David Lee fan. Do you not like Charles Oakley’s brutality or Anthony Mason’s skyline haircut either? Kids today!? But I digress.

Long story short: The Knicks were easily handling a dismal opponent until the Blazers began to turn it around late in the third and early in the fourth. The Knicks hung around with some threes here and there but they died out in the end.

Other thoughts: Win or loss, courtside or nosebleed, every seat in the Garden gives you a great view of the action (I’ve never sat close to courtside so I’m merely assuming, they might suck). Speaking of jerseys to buy, the rest of this Knicks team other than Lee, Robinson and Chandler is gone in two years or so so don’t go wasting any money on your Cuttino Mobley jersey anytime soon just to give me an aneurysm at my next game. You want a real diehard pick? Chris Duhon: It’s a no. 1 so that’s clearly classy and given how the former Bulls third-stringer is performing so far this year, it shows you’re a real fan if he’s still with the team after 2010 (still up in the air but it could happen).

Regan and I headed out and despite the loss, she wants to go see more games this season. I’m always down but even more so, I want to enjoy this half-decent, entertaining team as much as I can. No matter who we get in two years, ticket prices for some mid-court nosebleed seats will go up rather quickly. Sometimes, it’s better to afford the price of enjoying your team sucking rather than getting fleeced for watching it triumph. Maybe I’m just a cheap, sadistic bastard.
And also, if you’ve had more than four beers and are taking a bus ride home, don’t go to the 24 hr. White Castle on 38th and 8th. It’s like paying for porn, you enjoy it at first but you spend the rest of the night regretting it.